An ocean to still me

Behind the scenes

 

 

The cave we fear to enter, holds the treasure we seek.

 

Most of us are scared of realising how deep our love can reach. How powerful our anger can be. How fierce our hungers. How burning our need. How fierce our protectiveness of ourselves and others. We are scared of our powers. Scared, because we feel it might frighten others, scared it will frighten us. We are afraid that, like Icarus, if we fly too high, we'll get too close to the burning sun of our soul. Our wings will melt, we think, and we'll crash down, left all alone. We’re afraid of showing the intensity of our powers to ourselves and we're afraid of ending up all alone when showing our true nature.

 

I was told to ''tone it down'' since my childhood. I was quite smart and my feelings were anything but quiet. My mom felt threatened by my intensity. She felt that it was abnormal and too demanding. I quickly learned that my power and passion got me into trouble and deprived me of the love that I needed most.

 

For a long time I felt bewildered and lost and I constantly adjusted myself in order to feel safe. I was too afraid to be just me, the natural me, and at the same time I felt unhappy for not living my natural state of being. I felt like a prisoner of my own fear, because I loved what I feared most, but at same time I was too afraid to live it.

 

For years, I kept running away from my fears. The only thing that I really, really loved deeply, was singing and creating music. But the idea to share that, got me so terrified that I chose to avoid it. Sharing my music was no option. I was secretly creating my music, never showing it to anybody.

 

Then something unexpected happened in my life. My dearest friend, very close to me, passed away. Her death awakened something in me: the feeling that my life was only really worth living, if I'd have the guts to follow my heart and soul! From that day on I stopped running and I started doing what always had been inside my heart: living my music, creating ánd sharing. The latter was the most scary part. It sometimes felt like the fear inside me was eating me alive.

 

It was clear to me that my inner treasure resides in the depths of my fear. The more I was willing to confront my fears and bring them into the light of my awareness, the more I got access to my inner treasure. By doing so, I found an inner compass. I knew what my heart wanted. Despite the fear, I felt this and I welcomed the fear. Deep inside me, I knew the fear was only hiding my passion….I was born to live and share who I am, like all of us.

 

This video is about the moment I had stopped running and surrendered. At that moment, I became reunited with my power. The wolf represents my fear and at the same time also represents my strength and wisdom. A real treasure to be reunited with.